My errand this morning wasn’t an unpleasant one. I used to go to this shop to buy groceries. Normally, the tauke was around but today the son, aged of mid 20s I guess, was mending the shop. I intended to buy 12 kilos sugar when the son disrespectfully refused to sell me.
He said “tak boleh jual manyak-manyak” though I saw there were packets of sugar piling on the shelf.
I asked” apa sat?”
He rebutted ” gua cakap tak boleh, tak bolehlah” .
He threw his voice at me and the moment he did that, I was totally fuming hot. My anger was beyond it’s safety mark waiting for the right time to bash him back. I walked off without a word but with mind full of vengeance.
I went to the next shop just opposite. Asking for the same thing but anticipating for the worst.
I asked the tauke ” Gua boleh beli gula 12 kilo tak”
“Boleh. Boleh..” happily the tauke attended to my need.
I paid him RM17.60 and dashed I walked back to the shop before carrying with me the 12 kilos sugar. Revenge on it’s way! That tauke son was sitting punching numbers into calculator when I threw that bagful of sugar right onto his face. He was totally taken aback unexpecting of my vengeful return. He had no word of reason for his unruly behaviour before and I couldn’t care to know either. I didn’t talk a word to him. Happy enough to see him caught in that stupid look. His father should send him back to school of civiization.
I left his shop not forgetting my sugar and drove home like a winner!

The year end is coming. Which means the ushering of the new year. Anticipative enough to many people I guess while others still scrambling in life wondering what difference could it make for the new year to come.
As for me, every new year that comes awakens my neurones to think and ask what difference that I have made in life so far and what difference can that be into my life now and ahead. This year and the past years have always been years of new revelations about life and people. In the process, I learnt that to live a wonderful life is to create wonders for others, to be successful in life is to lead success for others. The key to a rewarding life now and hereafter.
Having understood this so much that my husband and I agree to comply and abide by it in whatever we do. We strive to run our business and life with good hearts, humility and kindness as the ingredients. Forgiving is to add to the taste. Working hard and never say die are the characters that must exist through every pint of blood that flows in our vein.
Welcome to the new year. It touches me though as I am not getting any younger. So do you. But I strive to always stay younger in my heart and mind streaming with zest to continue to learn new things and preach goodwills…Thank you God for all the wonderful life you have bestowed on me and my family…thank you for the strength..thank you for raising me to more than I can be.

Last weekend saw the congregation of my family members to commemerate the death of my grandpa. 100 days had passed since he died and a tradition spelled with a kenduri tahlil.Arrays of food were prepared: sambal goreng, ayam masak merah which I cooked with hubby, ikan parang masak acar, serunding kelapa, udang masak lemak, terung pacri which I personally loved the most,kuih-muih…overall.. the food were heavenly served to be eaten by anybody who came.
Kenduri is an happening in my grandma’s house which takes place many-many times in a year.The way I look at it is more like a traditon to gather the family members, cook good food and serve the orang surau.Agreeable for its good sense..but wonder does it really serve to read the tahlil meant for so many dead members whose names being spelled out one by one with every AlFateha recited?This is like “tahlil borong”.Till now I didn’t get myself attached to this concept.How many of us really sat down remorsefully thinking of those passed-away family members during the tahlil itself I wonder.
As for me, tahlil or no tahlil, these four people who have died will always be in my mind….. my late father whom I dearly missed so much who passed away 19 years ago..whose thought will always spill tears in my eyes…a five years old niece of my hubby’s side who died of dengue a year ago and me next to her on her death bed till her last breadth..the thought of her last moments brings so much “keinsafan” in me of how much I value and love my two boys…my late father -in -law who died a year ago too whom I spent his last nite with him, only me and him, in the hospital..mending to his needs as he laid sickly on his bed..suddenly I realised how much he reminded me of my late father that nite, and as I started to cherish the moments when suddenly he died the next morning..only God knows how devastated I was seeing him gone as how much I was reminded to see my own dad died in split second the nite after we talked and spent time together…..Lastly,my late grandpa who died of old age 3 months ago and me could still recall every second of his last moments with us…the ride home from the hospital with his dead body in that red van…..
The every day thought of these people in my life and prayers is indeed my true definition of tahlil.

My eldest son Shafiq is now entering his secondary studies.Like many other parents whose first child as such, the feeling of excitement is undeniable.Shafiq has been feeling a shiver of excitement down his spine ever since till the first day of school. He was offerred a place in the Daily School Science Program in Batu Pahat High School.This is a program adopting the boarding school system except that the students stay with the family. His schooling is from 7am-2.00pm, lunch followed by cocurriculum before finishes at 6pm.This school along with Temmenggong Ibrahim Girl’s School are the two schools in BP running this program, chosen due to their excellent academic track record.Last year PMR saw the top student in Johor hailing from the high school in BP with 100% pass rate of nearly 60 students scoring 8As and 30 over with 7As.Impressive!
Before, I wondered where the top non-Malays in UPSR go to. Now I’m answered at least for the BP district during the registration day as I scrolled through the names of mainly Chinese students who were straight As in the UPSR.They make up 70% of the Form One enrolment while the rest are Malays or Indians.Before, I thought that Shafiq should be in boarding school for the stigma they are good schools.Now, I may not mind that for I realise his daily school in high school does in long term provides broader avenues for him to learn, grow and most importantly compete amongst other existing races in the country,For this advantage, Shafiq should not be deprived of.
I also found this rather very interesting because while many boarding schools in the country have nearly 100% Malay enrolment, this school enrols 70% Chinese and the rest Malays and Indians.Then I realised excellent non-Malays in UPSR in BP go to this school all this while as there is no provision for them as boarders.
Back to the Malay agendas, top malays from rurals will first fill up as boarders to ensure their excellence in studies continued and supported while the non-malays need to find their way to school.This I learnt since last week looking at how jam-packed the road outide the school will be in peak hours as parents, bumper to bumper, sending and picking their child.
As parents, my husband and I have to ensure his resilience to survive in this new world of his.Leaving home as early as 6.30 in the still dark morning hour from Bagan and spend most of his time in school before returning later in the day.This can be very challenging to him as a start.
I am happy too that Shafiq passed his aptitude test and he is placed now in the top class with the rest of other top students in form One. Every eye is on them right now.Teachers and parents.For me, personally..it’s cool..as whenever he jumped into our car as we picked him back home..Shafiq is as adorable and bubbly as a son he is..chatty and still potraying his childish naughty behaviour at times…though a hectic day passed by his new life for the day and a new day and expectation awaiting ahead..
Move on Shafiq….

Semenjak bangkitnya era reality show di kaca TV,semakin ramai anak-anak melayu yang terus di buai dengan kejayaan palsu.Aku semakin rimas melihatkan anak-anak sekecil dua tahun mahupun yang dewasa seusia datuk nenek memuja idola-idola yang hanya setakat berjaya sebagai penyanyi tapi entah kemana di bidang pelajaran.Walaupun hanya lulusan SPM tapi kerana menyanyi mereka di nobat idola atau yang nombor satu di negara.

Aku terfikir, adakah ilmu pelajaran dan azam untuk berjaya didalam pelajaran telah menjadi semakin terpinggir oleh orang melayu masa kini.Kalau kita lihat, mereka yang berjaya sebagai idola penyanyi lebih di gembar-gemburkan di TV, radio, surat-khabar mahupun di perhimpunan agung umno yang lalu.Maka bersoraklah orang melayu kerana bangga ada anak melayu yang berjaya sekalipun bergelar penyanyi lulusan SPM.Aku lebih bangga jika dia adalah Allahyarham Sudirman yang bergelar lawyer lulusan UM tapi berkebolehan menjadi seorang penghibur yang tiada gantinya.

“Di Singapura, kami tidak mendewakan pemain-pemain bola.” Begitulah kata-kata Phillip Yeo, Ketua Agensi Penyelidikan Untuk Sains dan Teknologi Singapura. Aku yakin Singapura juga tidak mendewa-dewakan atau memuja-muja golongan artis seperti yang berlaku di Malaysia masa kini.

Aku tidak pernah terbaca atau mendengar berita di sana menganjurkan banyak siri realiti TV yang tidak mendatangkan sebarang faedah jangka panjang untuk kemajuan negara kecil mereka kecuali the Singapore Idol yang diura-ura akan di berhentikan kerana sambutan yang kurang menggalakkan daripada masyarakat amnya.Tetapi berlainan pula dengan negara Malaysia, itu yang lebih diutamakan oleh setiap golongan masyarakat sehingga sanggup berhabis duit kerananya.

Jika beginilah sikap rakyat negara Malaysia amnya nampaknya kita akan terus menjadi sebuah negara yang terbelakang dalam segala bidang yang berfaedah untuk masa depan negara dan bangsa.

Di Singapura, idola mereka adalah orang terpelajar, bukan artis. Sekalipun artis, rata-rata adalah lulusan paling rendah ‘A’ level.Orang terpelajar dijadikan contoh kepada anak-anak muda Singapura untuk mengejar kemajuan dalam bidang sains dan teknologi.Kejayaan anak-anak melayu topik utama di muka surat khabar saban minggu dan artis pula yang rasa terpinggir akhirnya.

Anak-anak mereka digalakkan mendapat pelajaran setinggi yang mungkin kerana mereka sedar tanpa generasi yang berpelajaran dan berpendidikan tinggi negara mereka akan ketinggakan…rakyat akan sengsara.

Singapura sedang menuju ke arah apa yang disebut knowledge economy (ekonomi ilmu pengetahuan) tetapi kita lebih kepada entertainment economy (ekonomi hiburan).Di singapura, sekalipun anak-anak muda berhibur sakan mengunjungi pusat hiburan yang sedia ada di pusat bandar di hujung minggu tapi anak-anak muda inilah yang akan memenuhi pusat-pusat ilmu seperti neighbourhood libraries yang rata-rata terdapat di pelusuk pulau Singapura di setiap hari.

Di Malaysia,artis-artis yang berjaya meraih `ijazah’ dari Akademi Fantasia (AF) lebih diberikan tempat dalam liputan akhbar daripada kejayaan anak-anak Malaysia yang berjaya dalam bidang sains dan teknologi sehingga kini majalah hiburan lebih di minati daripada buku-buku ilmiah di library.

Di Malaysia, selama 13 tahun aku menetap disini, boleh aku bilang dengan jari wujudnya perpustakaan untuk masyarakat di sisini.Kalau adapun terlalu dinasour rupa dan caranya…sehingga aku merayu-rayu di dalam hati…pergilah ke Singapura yang dekat tu wahai pemikir negara Malaysia…dan lihatlah cara mereka menyediakan infra ilmu untuk rakyat jelatanya..memang canggih dan mengkagumkan.

Kalau beginilah cara orang Melayu menguruskan anak bangsa mereka nampaknya peluang untuk menjana Global Malays atau Melayu Dunia akan punah.

Mana ada anak Melayu yang berjaya dalam bidang nyanyian di peringkat antarabangsa? Atau pernahkah kita melihat filem-filem melayu kita dipesada dunia sepertimana filem-filem Hollywood atau Bollywood?Kalau bollywood artis memang fasih berbahasa Inggeris tapi Malaywood artis masih terkial-kial menyusun kata “in English” sehiingga terpaksa ambil Mahathir Lokman sebagai guru bahasa ketika persembahan di Londondi satu ketika.Adakah ini dikatakan artis bertaraf dunia..dodoian melayu yang sungguh memualkan.

Kalau setakat menyanyi di Royal Albert Hall sudah dianggap satu kejayaan besar bagi anak Melayu dan bukan meraih ijazah kelas pertama di universiti Cambridge atau Oxford, rosaklah anak Melayu dan malaplah bangsa melayu.

Sementara kaum Cina dan India berlumba-lumba bercengkang mata mengejar kejayaan akademik daripada hiburan tetapi untuk anak-anak Melayu,mereka masih lagi didodoi kejayaan palsu dan anggapan palsu penyanyi nombor satu…Malaysian Idol.. AF mahupun wira Mat Rempit.Mereka masih lagi didodoi untuk terus menerajui pusat-pusat hiburan di kotaraya dan berdemo di jalanraya bukan lagi di pusat-pusat pengajian termasyhur di dunia.

Ibu-bapa kini tidak sanggup berkorban atau bergolok bergadai untuk memastikan anak-anak mereka mendapat pendidikan yang terbaik, bersaing untuk menjadi melayu unggul.Berbekalkan konsep asal apa ada dan buat asal termampu ..loan kerajaan ada untuk ke U.. tanpa menanam daya saing yang jitu, sesungguhnya orang Melayu akan jadi terus layu dijadikan bahan ketawa kaum lain pada suatu hari nanti dan merekalah yang akan terus maju dan maju..

Malangnya orang Melayu suka digula-gulakan, dipuji berlebih-lebihan. Biar menang sorak kampung tergadai. Biar papa asalkan bergaya.

Sampai bila kita hendak dodoikan orang Melayu dan anak Melayu kita dengan kejayaan yang palsu dan anggapan palsu. Kita mahukan durian tapi benih tomato yang kita tanam.

Di mana rasional dan logiknya? Begitu rendahkah daya fikir orang Melayu dan anak Melayu? Kalaulah pejuang kemerdekaan dari kalangan orang Melayu yang lalu masih hidup, mereka pasti akan menangis kerana kita telah gagal mendidik anak bangsa ke arah kemajuan yang dituntut oleh agama dan bangsa.

Kita gagal mengisi kemerdekaan dengan anak-anak bangsa yang bijak berfikir dan bertindak demi kesinambungan kemegahan orang Melayu.

Mungkin Hang Tuah akan geleng kepala melihat orang Melayu hari ini menyalahgunakan kebebasan yang diperoleh. Mungkin Melayu tak hilang di dunia tetapi jika ada bangsa Melayu yang layu apalah gunanya.

Layu dengan lagu yang mendayu. Layu di pusat-pusat serenti. Layu di atas jalan raya yang serba moden. Layu di peringkat pengajian tinggi…layu dan terus layu…

Hari ini adalah hari kelima. nenek dan pembantunya berada di PJ di rumah pakcikku.Semenjak pemergiannya kesana, aku serta ibu dan beberapa orang sepupuku telah berkampong di sini untuk tujuan menjaga rumah nenekku ini.Disini juga ada seekor ibu kucing dan empat ekor anaknya yang comel belaka.
Lazimnya, aku tidak berapa minat terhadap kucing.Tidak seperti sesetengah orang yang pantang nampak kucing, lantas dibelai atau dipeluknya.Aku juga tidak akan berusaha untuk memberinya makan lantas aku akan mengharap pada orang lain untuk membuatnya, terutama pada anak-anakku yang telah sekian lama teringin untuk membela kucing.Namun disebabkan aku tidak membenarkan kerana khuatirkan najis dan kencingnya merata-rata, maka anak-anakku akan terpaksa membatalkan niat mereka itui.
Hari ini ..di pagi ini..aku telah mempelajari sesuatu di dalam hidup ini.
Sedang aku sibuk memasak untuk makan tengahari, siibu kucing telah mengekori aku kehulu dan kehilir..meow..meow….Mula-mula aku buat tak tahu kerana fikirkan yang siibu kucing ini sahaja nak mangada.Tetapi..aku terus diekori..dan kali ini bunyinya semakin nyaring.
“Engkau lapar ya?”aku bertanya sambil melihat terus kematanya.
“Meow-meow..”bunyinya seolah-olah faham soalanku.
“Oh engkau susukan anak kau..sebab tu kau lapar…ok..nanti aku kasi kau makan..lepas tu jangan kacau aku..”aku berkata sambil aku mencapai tudung periuk dan aku letakkan 3 senduk nasi yang baru ku masak dan lauk daging masak kicap.Memamg enak untuk santapan seekor kucing liar, kataku dalam hati..Kucing itu masih terus berbunyi sambil mengejar aku ketika aku membawa makanan itu keluar.
Setelah aku meletakkan makanan tersebut, aku dapati si ibu kucing tidak segera menjamunya.Tetapi ku lihat siibu kucing merayau-rayau pula sambil berbunyi meow..meow..seolah-olah sedang memanggil anak-anaknya.Tiba -tiba pada saat itu, aku begitu tertarik untuk memerhatikannya.
Betul jangkaanku, satu persatu anak-anaknya datang dari berbagai penjuiru.
“Anak-anakku, marilah sini..balik..makan..”begitulah mungkin kata-katanya kalau boleh aku terjemahkan.Aku semakin tertarik untuk terus memerhatikan.Yang aku boleh bayangkan sianak kucing balik kegembiraan melihat makanan yang tersaji.Mereka beramai-ramai menikmati makanan dengan khusyuknya tapi siibu hanya duduk sambil memerhatikan gelagat anak-anaknya.Boleh kulihat tanda kepuasan dimuka ibunya seperti bersyukur yang anak-anaknya tidak akan kelaparan untuk seketika nanti.
Beberapa minit kemudian sianak telah berhenti memakan dan mula bergolek-golek sesama sendiri tanda kekenyangan mungkin.Aku melihat nasi yang masih tinggal suku lalu siibu pun bangun dan mula memakan nasi yang ditinggalkan sehingga habis.
Aku terpegun seketika.Juga terharu kerana siibu yang dikatakan hanya seekor kucing telah menjalankan peranannya sebagai ibu yang bertanggungjawab.Sifat keibuannya begitu terserlah.Dipastikan anak-anaknya makan dahulu.Terfikir aku ..juga seorang ibu..begitulah sebenarnya seorang ibu….hati dan nalurinya terhadap anak yang dilahirkan….
dan kerana itu aku dapat merasai apa yang dirasai oleh siibu kucing.
Aku pun mula teringatkan anak-anakku yang pada masa itu tiada denganku.Si abang dirumah neneknya di Taman Limpoon, Batu Pahat sementara adiknya di rumah pakcikku di PJ.
Aku merindui mereka dan bila mereka pulang nanti..akan aku benarkan kehadiran kucing dirumahku…….

I have by now spent a total one and a half month fully in my very own hometown, Bagan.Though i was born and bred in an urban cosmopolitant country, such as Singapore, ironically, I am back to my roots in Batu Pahat.While many others from rurals would dream to go out to the urban world exploring the hustles and bustles of city life, I choose to dream to be in the country rendering to the sounds of the swaying coconut leaves and the beauty of the cooling mist in the morning hours.The serenity of country life, be it during the day or nite has been always mersmerizing me to keep coming back during all these years of my lifetime.
Living in the country is after all not so bad an idea.My grandma is living across my house and her house is connected to the world.Thanks to my uncle Esham for his initiative to materialise this availability to people such as me and others.
Talking about this connectivity in the country life, I can say its a totally new exposure to the many in my family in Bagan, let more it is wireless.The presence of my desktop in my grandma’s house which has been in place for more than two weeks now has sparked commotions and uneasy feelings amongst the dwellers.Its like SARS invading.They screamed and yerked warranting the tool to be sent out.
Many of my cousins will come now to get connected but cause sudden hustles to the house in return which was once quiet and only with the old folks.My grandma suddenly would be fidgeted seeing the sights of the youngs trumping up and down.When I asked my cousins should I bring back this tool, they pleaded not to. Thus I refrained, reasoning to my grandma these youngs will one day meet her purpose in many ways.
Today, I am right.As my grandma and the rest are off now to KL, this house is fully bustled with the presence of my cousins, Aza, Ima, Ila and others who have been coming uninstructed as it never used to be.If before they hardly came and my grandma had always been worried of this house unattended during her absence to KL, at least now..for once she can be free not to think of this house for a while.
Aaah..at last…as I saw her leaving this house yesterday to KL…her spirit was high and my spirit was high too for my presence here, near to her is fullfilling for the day….

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